i feel..........

My soul is no longer with me as it already fly back. Most of the time i have strong feelings want to go home. Most of the time i feel lonely, i feel sad, tired and lost. I am lonely as no body care of me. I am too nervous to face my lonely life and the truth behind lies. I am tired to guess what is right what is wrong, who can be trust and who will betray me. I am sad when i found that the person i care started to forget me and abandon me. I am lost when i am lack of confidence with what i am doing. I am lost as i don't know i live so hard for what.But everything is going to end soon follow with end of this semester.

选择

曾经他是我们最相信最依赖的朋友，给我们带来了温暖，
但我们渐渐远离他了，也许是对他彻底的失望了，
也许是明白我们的立场和关系变了，回不到原来的位子，
因为知道他的他不喜欢我们和他来往所以我们选择了放弃对他的依赖，
因为知道会让他活得很累所以我们选择了不打扰他的生活，
因为明白我们的出现会为他添麻烦， 所以我们选择远离他，
我们选择自立一点，坚强的过少了他的生活，尽量减少向他求助，
我们都知道这样做对他来说很残忍，
但只有这样才能减轻他的负担，让他过得比较快乐，
只有这样做我们才不会曾为罪人，
也只有这样做才不会让一切都变成是我们的错，
请原谅我们做了这残忍的选择。


我不知道现在的他快乐吗幸福吗？
但无论快乐，幸福与否，我们彼此都做了选择不是吗？

记得

你还记得你答应过我的事吗？
总是在答应我之后又忘了对我许下的承诺，
你是无心的还是我对你来说并不重要，
所以我的一切你不需要记得。

而你又还记得我的存在吗？
总是在寂寞和需要我的时候才想起我的存在，
你是无心的还是因为我并不是你的第一顺位，
所以我的存在你不需要记得。

也许你并不是不记得，只是你有难言之隐，
也许你并不是忘了我，只是还没有想起我。

我在你们还没记得我之前一个人过的还不错，
如果真的不记得，就算了，
不需要突然想起我，记得我，
因为你的突然记得会让我很失落。
请不要突然记得我的存在来打扰我的生活，
因为你的突然打扰会让我的心很受伤。

waiting

My flight delay again, it suppose depart at 5.35pm but it delay until 6.15pm. Then i have to wait, i had been try waiting for two hours before so this condition consider not bad already......at the end i arrive at LCCT around 8.00pm. May be i am too "lucky" already, usually if i take the 5.30pm flight, sure it will be delay one....how come? Just hope that the day i go back to Kuching, the flight won't delay again.

属于

“我坚持的都值得坚持吗？
我所相信的就是真的吗？
如果我敢追求我就敢拥有吗？
而如果都算了不要呢”
（~属于~）

对于我来说， 我坚持的都已经失去了坚持的意义，
我所相信的也不是真的，
因为我不敢追求，所以我也不敢拥有，
现在对于我来说一切都算了，
我只想找回属于我的平静与安宁。

I m just a failure

Still have 4 hours and 15 minutes i will say goodbye to my 21st years old, refresh back what i have done during the last whole year, i can summary it with only one sentence- My 21st years old ended in failure .I am so unhappy, lonely and disappointed with all the things happened around me. I don't know why i am fail to make my life become more joyful and meaningful. My heart is broken and tired, is very painful.I fail to being a good friend, a good sister, good daughter and fail to be who i am. I just pass my time like that,din pay attention in class, lack of confidence and i even started to loose my dream.I do not trust people anymore just like my friend said inside believe is lie, now only i realize that. This was not what i suppose to do for getting a good future.I can't stand anymore, with the sadness and painful.I know i will collapse one day if i continue like that. Who can help me to escape from this kind of life? I know only i can help myself.I really hope that my heart will recover soon.I desire a meaningful life and a brighter future.I know i can do it if i put more effort to everything.I don't want my life ended in failure anymore.

被遗弃的小孩

我和朋友常说我们是被遗弃的小孩，没人会关心我们，在乎我们的感受与想法，哭泣时也没人会为我们擦眼泪。我们就像是被遗忘在衣橱角落的旧衣服。我想说当被遗弃的小孩并不可怜，因为只有被遗弃的小孩才懂得坚强，跌倒了会自己爬起来，勇敢的往前走。也只有被遗弃的小孩才看清楚现实的残酷，更珍惜拥有的幸福。往后的日子还很长，被遗弃的小孩们，不要再躲在角落默默掉泪了，是时候过回你该过的生活了，寻找属于你的幸福吧。加油！
ps:谢谢你们在我几乎崩溃的时候为我擦眼泪，给我安慰让我知道我并不是被遗弃的小孩。

改变，得到，失去

最近总觉的一切变了
身边所熟悉的人，事与物突然变得陌生
陌生得一切仿佛不存在
陌生得我自己也无法相信
到底是我无法相信，还是我不愿意接受
到底是谁改变了谁，是大家都变了还是我变了
在这一切都改变后
我得到了什么，失去了什么？


我得到的是我所承受不起的失落
而同时
我也失去了一颗热忱与真挚的心

Guilty

I have received an email from my supervisor, with an attachment of my FYP guideline. When i read the email, i felt guilty as until now my FYP progression is slow, i even din put many effort on it. Start from now, I have to put more effort on it, and thank you sir.

Lost passion? Lazy?

I feel that i have lost my passion in life. I cannot found any thing that make me feel interested. Since the first day i come back to Kuching,i just feel tired, and now already second month but i still tired. Don't want to touch my book, my assignment, my FYP and even lazy to go out. Feel tired to go to class, tired in manage relationship with people just tired with everything. Is that i really lost my passion or i just find an excuse for my laziness. Hope that i will recover soon, i should not and also can not live like that. I still have to put effort for my great future. Come back chinyee, come back my heart and soul.

我一直都认为只要做人有原则，待人处事认真，是非黑白分明就问心无愧。只要武装自己，坚强一点就不会受到伤害。只要肯努力， 就会得到认同。但原来在别人眼中，这些都变成了自私，狠心，傲慢和自以为是。越是装作坚强，心就更累更受伤。难道我真的做错了，还是别人误解了我。我不懂，我也不想去猜测更不想去辩解，因为我知道有些事和有些人是永远都无法说清楚的。

Times of Your Life

Good morning, yesterday
you wake up and times has slipped away
and suddenly it's hard to find
the memories you left behind
remember, do you remember?
The laughter and the tears
the shadows of misty yesteryear
the good times and the bad you've seen
and all the others in between
remember do you remember?
The times of your life

Reach back for the joy and the sorrow
put them away in your mind
the memories are time that you borrow
to spend when you get tomorrow
Here comes the saddest part
the seasons are passing one by one
so gather memories while you may
collect the dreams you dreams today
remember, will you remember?
The times of your life